If you are reading this letter then I have passed. The best thing about cancer is that it gave me a time frame in which to plan out the rest of my life. I know that a year or two doesn’t seem like a long time, but I think it’s better than other alternatives to dying at this age.
The most important thing is that I got time to get ready for the end and now that I’m here I can do some writing and get the last word in on all of my family and friends. What I wanted to tell you specifically is that I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to be happy because I was happy.
I got to do so many different things during my life because of you. I remember you used to work 10–12 hours per day everyday so that you and Dad could buy me my first car. I remember you always cooking dinner even when you were dead tired or you and dad both cooking when you were dead tired. I tried cooking a few times when I got back from work just for myself in my 20s and it was exhausting.
I got to eventually do exactly what I wanted in life. I got to run my own company and be the brightest star in the country for a time. I got to be rich and be at the top only to realize that it wasn’t that great.
It took me some time to realize that it wasn’t what I thought it was as I made the climb. It really hit home when the doctor told me I had only a few years left to live. And if I decided to undergo therapy it would only prolong it an additional year at best.
But Cancer made me realign my life. I had enough money to do whatever I wanted until I died and even then I would have so much left over that I would need to develop an extensive will to figure out how to distribute it to the right people and organizations. More importantly I was able to spend my time with the people I care about the most.
My only regrets are that I didn’t spend more time on being happy for myself. I spent a lot of time trying to make companies, employees, and girlfriends happy as opposed to myself. I thought I derived happiness from making others happy. And when I was told I was going to die the first thing that I thought about was how I wanted to leave everything behind and just come home.
I realized that at my age I should have started a family, but I was too busy. I was never able to put anyone ahead of my current family and what I was working on and no one wanted to be with someone like that. It’s something I regret as I lay here writing you this letter. I achieved what many consider to be the impossible, but I paid for it in things that people take for granted every day.
So don’t be sad Mom. I think the last few years of my life have been the best in a long time. I’ll miss you and please take care of yourself.