Being a Pick Pocket Near Espresso Shops This Summer

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These Burbery Espadrilles at $395 will keep you cool, quiet, and a bit smelly without the socks this summer. Find them at Mr. Porter

Summer is just around the corner or it’s summer somewhere in the world. Actually, with global warming happening it might be summer 24/7/365 pretty soon and that means it’s time to bet big on Espadrilles — the traditional footwear for summertime in Mediterranean countries. I knew this Venezuelan guy in graduate school who wore Espadrilles all the time, was super laid back, and an expert pizza thief.

Let me explain.

Graduate students are poor as fuck, but there are always groups on campuses ordering way too many pizzas for their “meetings.” This where the Espadrilles come into play. Typical shoes are a bit squeaky with their rubber soles and polyurethane cushions. Espadrilles have rope soles and they are silent. They are like if the Mediterranean version of a ninja shoe.

This Venezuelan guy Gabriel always had some pizza box he lifted from some group and I always wondered how he did it. How did he have the audacity to just lift pizza off these kids? The secret was he worse Espadrilles everywhere inside our building so he was like a ghost.

Seeing these Burberry Espadrilles made me think of Gabriel and pick pockets who lifts wallets from tourists in the summer in New York City. If you the reader have thought about a career change or just looking to do some freelance pick pocket work on the side consider these Burberry Espadrilles as the first step. Almost a requirement I think for that line of work.

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Writer of The Polymerist newsletter. Talk to me about chemistry, polymers, plastics, sustainability, climate change, and the future of how we live.

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